It would be funny if

it weren't so sad.

I'm in Virginia with family for 10 days.  My mom is the 24/7 caregiver for her sister, who has Alzheimer's.  My aunt is in hospice care, so mom does get some help -- a certified nursing assistant comes in three times a week, a nurse comes in once a week, a chaplain comes by every so often, and hospice volunteers come once a week for a few hours so mom can get out and run errands.  My cousins come by at least once a week so mom can run errands too.

My aunt is in end-stage Alzheimer's.  She's totally dependent on someone else for everything.  There's a lot of lifting and turning involved, and so it helps mom for me to come home and help -- and give her breaks so she can get out and run errands without calling in someone else to stay with my aunt.  I do a lot of little things -- my mom HATES to do dishes, so I do them.  Fix the coffee.  Fix the iced tea.  Bring her refills on coffee and iced tea.  Nothing big, but I'm just here, present, and help in the little ways I see.

I think my mom should be nominated for sainthood.  Everything is done with love and with tender care.

I talked with my hubster last night and found out his mom is mad at me.  I've not gone with him to visit his parents the past few years because my work demands are usually crazy when goes to visit (usually in March) and quite frankly because those visits are so stressful.  And while I have generous vacation leave at work, I've had to use a fair bit of it in recent years to come back to Va. for funerals and other family commitments.

So my MIL is angry because I've come home to visit my family several times this year but I've not gone to visit her.  When the hubster told me this, I started laughing.  "You have got to be kidding!"   He said that no, he wasn't.  And that he thinks she just has to have something to complain about.

Yes, I've gone to several events that were important to my in-laws this year.  I don't mind -- I enjoy seeing my nieces and nephew and my husband's family.  And I've saved up vacation -- watching it very closely this year so I could save up enough days to come to Va. and help mom out.  However, I didn't think I needed to keep a tally!

So, she can be mad.  If the number of visits from me is the worst thing she has to worry about in her life, she's very blessed!  In the meantime, I'll be in Va. until the weekend.  Doing the little things to make life easier for my mom and my aunt.

Comments

[PlazaJen]

Perhaps if she wanted to spend time with you so badly, she could meet you in Virginia, and provide another pair of hands to the situation. (I say that knowing nothing about her, she could ultimately be more of a hindrance than a help. But still.) Heaven help her small ways. I'm glad you're able to give your mom some peace & company - and not take the MIL bait. :)

[Rustee]

I am glad you are there helping your mom out. It is interesting to note that it matters to your MIL that you aren't there.

[Deborah]

Bless you. My mother had Alzheimer's. My MIL sounds a lot like yours: complains a lot, expects a lot. I think you summed it up: if that's the worst thing she has to worry about, she's got a pretty good life. I know what 24/7 caregiving can do to a person: my mother was in that situation a couple of times in her life. Bless you, again, and your Mom. All the best to you.

[Heide]

Oh my goodness! I think you are, without doubt, doing the right thing by helping your mom.
Seems you ML has done a fine job raising her son. Maybe she can get involved in some civic function, volunteer, so she won't need to count days.
She misses you!

[Heide]

Oh my goodness! I think you are, without doubt, doing the right thing by helping your mom.
Seems you ML has done a fine job raising her son. Maybe she can get involved in some civic function, volunteer, so she won't need to count days.
She misses you!